there’s something magical about the right relationship.
You feel it from the curve of your lips to the tip of your toes. It is pure euphoria.
Euphoria: a feeling or state of intense excitement and happiness.
You might be wondering if you have found, “the one.” Perhaps that is why you’re reading this article. Perhaps you’re praying I’ll provide you with some insight as to whether or not your current significant other is, “the one.”
Perhaps you’re just curious about what the heck this article is about.
Either way, I want to provide three helpful points. Guidelines if you will. Simple little pointers.
First off, are YOU the one?
Is that a weird thing to ask yourself? Absolutely not. In fact, I highly encourage you to ask yourself —
“Am I the one?”
How can you expect to find the one if you are not yourself, “the one?” What if your significant other is also searching for, “the one?” Have you ever sat down and asked yourself if you are an ideal version of, “the one?”
I have been in a couple of non-serious relationships, and because I was a lot younger in them my brain obviously wondered, “Is this person the one?” Never once did I ask myself if I was it though. I never questioned whether or not I was the right person, whether I was ready, or capable or ideal.
It wasn’t until I spent a glorious few months learning how to… well, love myself. I did something I never thought of doing. I began doing things for myself. I began enjoying my own company. I began going to the gym, for myself. I started looking into hobbies, and interests that were purely for myself. I made plans to move to a different state, I wanted to see more of the world and less of the things that didn't matter. I wanted to experience more, to live more. I wanted to learn how to truly love myself and live the life I was meant to. I didn’t want to rely on someone else to make me happy, and I didn’t want to pose as someone else just to make them happy. I wanted to work on me, for me.
I remember how satisfied I felt when I saw the “Welcome to California,” sign when I first moved. I remember the exact moment I was driving through Shasta Lake, I remember thinking about how euphoric it felt to live in that moment and experience the emotions exploding within me. I remember every little detail.
Those few months I spent working on myself were some of the greatest months of my life. I felt like I’d won the lottery. I’d moved by myself from Seattle, WA to LA and all I had were my savings, and a car full of some of my essentials. I didn’t know what I was going to do or where I was going to go, but I had myself and that’s all that mattered.
I rented a room from a guy I found on Craiglist, his name was Gary. He was a nice guy who worked in Sales. I also had another roommate, Jordan, he was a great guy and we became fast friends. Every night the three of us would sit in the kitchen, Gary would talk about his obsessive girlfriend, Jordan would talk about the new date he went on with a guy he met on Grinder, and I would sit there and listen to them in awe. I felt like I lived a pretty cool life.
Eventually, I joined them. You see, a few months before I moved to California, I met a guy on Instagram that I reached out to. I know, “the guy should always message the girl first.” Well, in this case, I had to because 1. He was cute, and 2. His profile was private there was zero way he would message me first.
I fell in love.
Sort of, I mean I was doing my THING. I was living my LIFE. I was enjoying myself, okay? I didn’t need a man, I didn’t need anybody but my awesome freaking self.
However, we did begin to facetime, and we would chat every single day.
Coincidentally, the apartment I moved into was 3 minutes away from his house. When I say coincidentally, I seriously mean coincidentally, I swear I’m not that creepy.
The first time we met was at Starbucks. He was wearing a tan sweater and his eyes were greener than the pine trees in Washington.
I was smitten.
Unfortunately, as much as he claimed and showed me by his actions that he felt the same way, he was too busy working on himself. He had a business to run, he had a life he wanted to create before allowing someone else into his life, romantically.
I mean, I wasn’t trying to get married but really, dude?
So you can now understand why I joined in with Gary and Jordan every evening.
The guy had me wrapped around his little finger. He was perfect. The nicest and most dreamy man I had ever met in my life. He invited me to dinners with him and his friends, he introduced me to his best friends, he introduced me to his brother, he invited me to the beach whenever he was there, we went to the gym together every day, he would show up to the coffee shop I was working from, he was ideal.
I felt that I was ready. I was ready for a relationship, I was ready to meet, “the one.” And more importantly, I felt that I HAD met him. I had spent months working on myself, I had made incredible progress in my self-development, I accomplished so much in such a short amount of time. I was ready! I had all of my ducks in a row, as the kids would say.
I think that is something you should always ask yourself. If who you are and what you bring to the table is wholesome. I’m not saying you need to be completely perfect and own a business or have a great career before you can finally meet your significant other, but I am saying that in order to meet, “the one,” you do also have to essentially be, “the one.”
You have to be self-sufficient, you have to have priorities and vision for your life. You can’t rely on someone else to give you that.
“Far too many people are looking for the right person, instead of trying to be the right person.”
OKAY — so now we are in the relationship — is he like, the one? because we fight a lot, lol so idk
Alright, we are going to fast-forward to the part where you finally enter the relationship. Everything is perfect and groovy. Everything was perfect for me as well.
My guy was, ideal. As mentioned previously. If you’re curious about whether or not I got him to fall madly in love with me, I did. I took a step back, you know? I took a little step back because I remembered who I was and how cool of a gal I was and that I didn’t need a man.
I also listened to A LOT of Matthew Hussey to get through it.
Of course, in the end, he ended up telling me he was in love too, and he couldn’t hide it anymore, so there we were. In love. In a relationship.
I don’t want to be that person that says, “you just know,” but I am going to say, that when you enter a relationship, a part of you WILL KNOW how serious it is on a scale of 1–10.
A huge part of me knew it was a very serious 9–10 from the beginning. Why? Because we both had spent time working on ourselves to make sure that when we did meet our significant other — we would be ready. We both know when entering the relationship that we weren’t in it to “just date.” We wanted a future together, we wanted to build something together.
We’re both in our early 20s, and we both have differences and a lot of flaws. (not so much me… kidding) and something that I never thought about prior to entering… well, any relationship is what you do when those differences show up in your everyday life.
A great relationship is about 2 things: First, appreciating the similarities, and second, respecting the differences
As much time as I had invested into working on myself, I had never invested time into working on myself with another person in the picture. I did things that made ME happy. I picked out foods that I liked, I created a schedule to MY liking.
When our differences began to cause fights in our everyday life, I would panic. I would think to myself, “is something wrong? Why do we have these differences, if he is the one, shouldn’t we never fight? Shouldn’t we like all of the same things?”
I think when people begin to experience things out of their comfort zone, or when things aren’t going in that perfectly smooth line that they have envisioned, they run out of fear.
I don’t want to be blunt or anything, but if you do that, you’ll run out on a good thing.
Love is a Choice
Love is a choice, not an emotion. Love is an action, not a feeling. Love is deliberate, not passive. Love is not something that happens “to you” love is something you do.
I run on my emotions. It’s a bad habit that I try to break on a daily basis. We, women, tend to do that a lot though, do what we feel. Act how we feel. We fail to listen to reason and logic because our brain is telling us one thing while our heart is crying for another.
The thing is, love is not just an emotion. Because back to point #2. You will fight with your significant other, and if you decide to run every single time you face a problem, you will never have a successful relationship.
Let’s say you’re building your dream house. When you commit to building it, you can’t just give up half-way. Yes, it might rain a few times, it might even snow depending on where you live, however, if you give up at every push and hit that you get, you’re never going to get your dream house.
If you stick through the hard stuff, you’ll eventually get your dream home. And the only issues you’ll face are minor — like plumbing and whatnot, kidding, but you get my point right?
When you find, “the one,” you’re life will still have those ups and downs. The difference is, you’ll have someone alongside you to face them with. They might be against the world, they might be within your relationship, but the point is — don’t ever stop choosing one another. And when you do that, over and over again, that is when you’ll know they’re the one.