… and left and sideways, and anything but right
I wish I could say that 2019 was a year of vital growth for me. I wish I could say 2019 was a year I will look back and think, “Wow, I so needed to go through that in order to be where I am currently at right now.”
Truthfully, 2019 was a terrible year, and perhaps some of you may feel the same way. Whatever your problems were with 2019, I am here to say that I 110% feel for you and am currently in the same boat.
Life is wild. Life can be one of the smoothest joy rides of all time at one point, then life throws this nasty curve ball at you, which you handle well, however then yet again life decides to SMACK you in the face with a bowling ball. It says, “ha! You thought I was through? Not yet!” You then begin to contemplate life, you begin eyeing all of the other friends/strangers/family in your life and you wonder if they experience the same things as you. “Did they get hit with a curve ball? Did they get smacked? Did this happen to them? They seem fine, must be just me.”
I often find myself feeling so low, that I look at homeless people and wonder, “are they experiencing this same issue?” Now, I know that’s not good. It’s scary to be homeless, it’s sad to think that you’re in such a low place that you can’t find a home. However, one person’s problems may seem like the biggest ones in the world, while another person might be experiencing something else that may be worse, however the first person will STILL think their issues are the biggest simply because the problems they are facing now are at their peak and perhaps they haven’t experienced the type of things someone else is. So to them, their problems are the number one worse problems in the world. (been there, done that)
Every time life smacks me, I think to myself, “Hey this is it. This is the last bowling ball that’s hitting my face, I can breathe now. I’m fine, everything will be fine.” Then, life tells me no, and proceeds to find the heavier bowling ball and add a flat tire on top of that.
So what do we do? How do we manage to get past that and not only survive but thrive? I don’t know about you but every time something negative happens, I often find myself gearing up for the next thing. And you know what? I think that is my problem. I think I mentally prepare for negative situations to happen, and they do so because I constantly speak them into existence. I constantly say, “well, life sucks and another issue is just going to pop up again.”
Do you do that? Do you constantly live in a hopeless state of mind because you have went through so many things in life, that you have completely given up on thinking that there is more to your life? I’ve been there.
Do you constantly look at others who maybe have more in their lives, maybe they travel more or live a bit of a more luxurious life than you, and you think to yourself, “how come they live this way? Why don’t I get to have that in my life? What did I do so differently that my life resulted in this mess while they’re out there vacationing in some sunny island for the fourth time this year?” I’ve been there.
I don’t want to live like that though. I want 2020 to be that year of vital growth and change. I want to be able to accept the bowling balls that come into my life at full speed, knowing that YES I’ve been hit, but this is a learning curve, this is just another bump in the road, I’m going to overcome it, I’m going to fix it, I’m going to get through this, I was not meant to live a life that constantly depressed me, or angered me, or made me feel hopeless. I was made for more, I am built for more, and I am capable of more.
The truth is, yes maybe they got lucky. Maybe they didn’t, maybe they worked their butts off to achieve what they have, and maybe you’re only seeing the surface of everything. The prettiness, the easiness of their life. Trust me though, life hits them with plenty of bowling balls too.
I can recall several evenings spent, mindlessly scrolling through social media and seeing all of these people who were doing better than me. Seeing how they were enjoying their lives more, teaching others to live a certain way, whether it was health-related or anything else. I would feel such strong pangs of jealousy because I felt that my work was going by unnoticed. There I was, providing content, desperately wanting to help people and nobody cared, but this other person who put in less than half the effort I did, was getting credited for false information and for things that could potentially harm others.
I was torn. I was jealous. I was sad and hurt and felt like I wasn’t enough. “What was I missing?” I kept asking myself.
Fast forward to December. The happiest month of the year, the holiday season and cheer were everything to me. And so many bowling balls came my way I probably need to be hospitalized, let’s face it. However, as I am sitting at work in my desk. I am telling myself, that YES life currently sucks. But… what would suck more is continuing this pity party. When life gets rough, you can’t just throw yourself in bed and cry and fall asleep (goodbye teenage me.) As an adult, you unfortunately have to suck it up and keep going.
Your job, is to continue. To push forward, to never stop in your tracks and tell yourself that you HAVE TO keep going, even if you’re knee-deep in debt, even if you’re losing everything, even if you’re struggling, if you lost someone, if your financial situation is tight, if you’re currently hurting mentally, etc. Whatever you are going through, others have as well, and they pulled through, what makes you any different than them? YOU CAN DO IT TOO.
“There is nothing new under the sun. Everything that has been done will be done again.”
Your problems are not new ones, others have faced them as well. They did it, you can too. WE can get through it. Life is tough, but we are tougher.